I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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