you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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