you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
tell me about the fingering
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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