marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
