see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize