When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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