i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
