Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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