I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
