she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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