And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
