I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
