was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
