I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I FOUND THE LEGS
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
