Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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