It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
