Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
