Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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