I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
