Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize