my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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