My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
