Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
