yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
