It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
