So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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