I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
