how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
