Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
ttyl tear gas
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
