Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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