the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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