am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
