Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
