Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Boobs are out for the taking
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
