Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
