my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i drank out of a bidet.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize