When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
