Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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