just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
