You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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