he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize