I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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