She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
