what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Your dad touched me again.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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