Im at strip club and am horny
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
