i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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