so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
