Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
