yo everyone went to the hospital last night
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
