my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
