Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
