Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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