im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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