I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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