i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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