I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
