peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Randomize
