Your dad touched me again.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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