I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
