Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize