I just pynch a tree in the face
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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