Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
